Growing up parents tell you, “If you put your mind to it, you can achieve anything!” or “You can be anything you want to be!” This is true, and I honestly believe it. The problem is they don’t teach you how to do it.
How many young children are taught the lessons they need in life? To learn from our mistakes, we have to be allowed to make them. It seems in this day and age, that’s just not possible. We’ve gone from letting our children grow up on their own, to basically swaddling them until they’re late teens. We don’t give them the tools they need to succeed, and then we wonder why they fail at some of the most menial tasks.
Life for me as a kid was far from normal, but I always had supportive family members that backed me up no matter what choices I made. As a teen, I tried so hard to fit in to all the different molds in school and yet ended up in none of them.
After high school, I’ve managed to move from job to job with relative ease testing out the waters of various entry level positions in different industries. I’ve been in various relationships with varying degrees of success, but ultimately I’m approaching 40 years old with nothing in life really hampering me down.
I’ve come to realize that I’m entering into my own form of mid-life crisis. While the typical mid-life crisis involves shirking responsibility and pursuing whimsy, mine is more atypical. Call it an “Anti Mid-life Crisis”.
I’ve spent the better part of 20 years simply trying to remain content and surviving with what life, and those I surrounded myself with, gave me. Now? I’m a full-time student going to college. I am months away from my AA degree, with my target set on a Master’s.
Also for the better part of the last 20 years, I’ve lived in disregard as far as my body is concerned. I’ve accumulated not just weight problems, but others as well. While not all of these can be attributed to eating poorly, they can almost all be attributed to poor choices. Bad food choices coupled with poor exercise routine has most definitely left their mark.
My biggest problem is procrastination and motivation. I procrastinate and I find motivation waning. While procrastinating, I find other things to distract myself with, and then “Oops, too late to work out…” As I got bigger, I found myself having to fight through bouts of depression. Being depressed, I would of course turn to things that made me happy such as food and alcohol. The cycle continues, the hole deepens, and here we are.
Mentally at this point in my life, I feel outstanding. I have such an outlook on life that I’ve never had before. There is an air of positivity in my every day life that I lacked for so many years. When people ask, “How’s your day?” I often respond, “Just another day in paradise!” with a smile. While it may seem ingenuine, I really mean it. Every day I wake up, I’m thankful that I’m here and hope that I can make a lasting impression in people’s lives. It took a lot of time and perseverance to start that mental ball rolling, but now I feel like there is no stopping it. My positivity is like a snowball rolling down a steep mountain and getting bigger as it goes.
Sadly, however… so am I. Mentally I’m feeling outstanding, physically? Not so much. I know my problem is that I just have to break my current routine. I have to change it. I have to adjust my current routine to incorporate good decisions and create a routine of that. Life for me always seems to be about timing and rhythm. Without it, I am in shambles. Unfortunately though, my rhythm is a bad one and I’ve made little progress physically.
I bought shorts the other day. Same size as the pants I have, from the same company, and they don’t fit. 🙁 What a wake-up call… I’m sure it’s because the pants I have are “relaxed fit”… They should call it what it is “You’re fat and don’t want to admit it, so here’s a pair of relaxed fit jeans that are really just a size larger than what the tag says.”
So, here I am approaching 40 with the best attitude I have ever had in my life, and apparently I am self-sabotaging that by making choices that will eventually drive me into the ground early.
Time to wake up, before I can’t anymore.